Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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