No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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