Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
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I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
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What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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