you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
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He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
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I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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