just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
