We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
