I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
