I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
