The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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