after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
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There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
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Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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