i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
