hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
