Ambien. No doubt about it.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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