Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
