His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
