My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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