While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
