So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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