I must be too annoying 4 u.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
