She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
