Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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