My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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