ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
