I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm at about main and main street
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
