You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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