Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
