she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize