I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize