It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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