So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
