All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
