Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
