Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
