MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
