i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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