i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
