Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
