Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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