I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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