FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
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Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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