I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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