my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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