The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
