my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize