I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
