I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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