And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
