I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
