just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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