um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
