The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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