do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
