When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize