I think scott just propositioned me for sex
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize