I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
