I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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