Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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