Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We had to coat check the pizza.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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