you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
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Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
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I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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