i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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