Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
